I’m a loser, a sore loser.

It sucks and to make matter worst is that he just realised what a loser he was.

He thought he’s strong. He’s supposed to be strong. Nothing and no one could crash his fragile heart into smithereens again. No no, not this time. Alas, he’s weak.

His knees shudder.

His body trembles.

He’s fucking weak! He’s an idiot. An idiot who keeps on denying his true feelings, his inner-side. He wanted to cry his heart out but even his heart pays no heed to him. Because his heart knows that he’s been serving it with deceiful lies, white lies and such.

His heart wouldn’t want to heed the reason of his heartache but a fragment of it still is craving and coveting. He knows he will not find any panacea to medicate such illness because love is never a disease, or so he believes.

But, there will be times when he’ll get annoyed and irritated. Like today.

He knows he should not act or feel this way but it suffocates him to supress all of those emotions inside him. In fact, he’s no Superman.

He’s tired of putting the plain facade everyday.He’s tired to be a good friend, a great friend, just friend. He wants more than that. On the other hand, he doesn’t want to hope because he knows hope kills. The thing with hoping is that, as its name suggests, it will pilot you into a state of delirious, hallucinating about the one thing you covet, then hope will murder you softly, without you realizing it.

Still, he can’t help it. His vulnerable heart is, bit by bit, churning inside and he doesn’t know for how long he’s going to endure, how long he’s going to act pretentious, how long he’s going to be oblivious.

So yeah, I’m a total loser and a real fool.


p.s. Jamie left because of you.